anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
