So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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