Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
