GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize