Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
