hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
