i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
