who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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