Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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