did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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