you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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