i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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