So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
