i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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