Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
