I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
