brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
