one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I party with great urgency now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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