You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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