Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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