Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
