Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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