Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How's work?
Spinning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
