There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
