just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
