It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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