who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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