Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize