I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
