it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
