would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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