Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
