I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
