I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
