I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is it penis luge time yet?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
