Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Houston, we have a blender
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize