My boss' voice literally gives me gas
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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