The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
