I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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