South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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