I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
