I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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