It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
