I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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