im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
