take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
