I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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