I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
