I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
