i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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