last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
