It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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