champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
