Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
