Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
