ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
