The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
