I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
