the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
