Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize