Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
