We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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