I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
