Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
