Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
