I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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