she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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