I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
