this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
