I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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