Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
