so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize