Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
