There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
