I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
