i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
