WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize