and you said cock pushups were impossible
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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