forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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