I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
