I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
