I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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