the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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