i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
