My liver just broke up with me...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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